Goddess

it is exhausting & fruitless to try

to try being understood

to try being accepted

to try being loved

sometimes no matter what you do,

it will never be enough

it will never be enough for the wrong people

scouring the planet & the ends of the earth

for just an ounce of love in return

leaves you empty & low

trust me, i know

it is heartbreaking to ponder

curious as to why you were not worthy enough

worthy enough of their care

of their affection

of their love

of their attention

why was it so hard to embrace me

why didn’t you love me 

i needed you

yet you were nowhere to be found

dazed & utterly confused

i sit, lonely in my room

begging the question

just to understand

why?

you chose to conceive life when you hadn’t lived yours

all your pain became mine

though this struggle was yours

your traumas were birthed into me

from the minute i was thought of,

i had a heavy load to carry

before i could even walk,

your burden became my story

and now i can’t live

i can’t breathe

i can’t sing

i can’t be

you took my voice

my ability to speak

to form words into congruent sentences

i make no sense

not a single tear could be shed

not a single word uttered under my breath

you lifted your hand

i cowered in fear

and to this very day,

i feel your presence near

anywhere i go,

you follow me

free me from this hell

maybe death will be my peace

if i am to live,

may it not be here

if i chose this life,

curse me