Goddess

i hope u think about me

when u see the color pink

i hope u think about me

when u hear a kali uchis song

& that you can’t get me out of your head

i hope u think about me 

when u feel emotions arise within your body

knowing i taught u it was okay to feel

i hope u think about me

as u wake up & begin your day

remembering we would rise together

i hope u think about me

as u go to sleep at night

knowing we used to cuddle up before we drifted to sleep

i hope u think about me

when u go get dessert

knowing we both loved a good sweet treat

i hope u think about me 

when y write a journal entry

knowing i inspired you to get one for the first time since u were a child

i hope you think about me when u talk to someone new

knowing they will never be half of me

i hope u think about me in the late hours

& that you’re not able to get me out of your head

regretting how u treated me,

wishing u did better

knowing if u only could love me right,

we might still be together…

but most of all, i hope that u meet someone exactly like you

who challenges u, holds up a mirror to your ways

& makes you see for the first time that others weren’t the problem

that it was your own inability to face your depths that made me go away

otherwise u will never find long-lasting fulfilling love

u will jump from lover to lover,

seeking what u found in me

a genuine & sweet lover

who was kind & patient with u & your troubles

who gave u a safe space to feel everything 

& be unashamed

women like me are rare & hard to find

& u will never meet another me

maybe you’re okay with that

because i dared u to be your best self

to rise & meet me where i am

mentally, emotionally, & spiritually

i believe that threatened u

& u didn’t like it

it made u uncomfortable 

but to grow & expand, u have to get uncomfortable 

or u can stay the same

& life will continue playing out the same way for u

u see, as i move on

as i heal & learn,

i will keep rising within myself & the world

i will find happiness within myself

i will meet lovely human beings who will love & accept me fully

i will forget i ever met u & that u ever loved me wrongfully

i will meet my true lover & soulmate

i will express myself artistically in a myriad of ways

i will fulfill my soul’s destiny 

i will genuinely be okay

while u are still learning how to love & not be so miserable that it spreads to anyone you’re around

…

you may think yourself highly

that u did no wrong in our relationship 

at least that’s what u tell yourself

but u & i both know the truth

in your heart of hearts, u know

& u won’t ever be able to escape the truth

it will find u, in the stillness of the night

in your deepest moments

u will distract yourself with loud music

random girls in your DMs

buying new things every other day to fill the hole in ur heart

smoking even though you’re tying to quit

drinking alone perhaps

& when u tell people you’re fine

you’ll be lying

because u did a bad thing, & karma won’t ever let you forget it

so, i would say i hope u find peace

but your current self wouldn’t benefit from it

u need to heal

& stop infecting pure souls with your self-hatred

learn to love yourself in the important ways

in the ways that makes you grow

& leave my energy alone

never contact me

& never forget me

because, well, you won’t

…

i let go of the memory of u

deleted all the photos, messages, & feelings 

i think i knew you better than you know yourself

& that was scary, huh?

you’ll feel it

that i never asked for too much

u were just not enough for me

go ahead and & keep telling yourself whatever u want

the stories you concoct in your head

it’s all fake & it will catch up with u

good luck to u

you’ll need it