Goddess

it is not that simple though, is it?

i knew i did not deserve that treatment

everything in me rebelled

it warned me, tried to protect me, shielded me

i communicated fervently, spoke up

i wanted different

the glimpses of a safe love i saw & felt in the beginning

couldn’t that have lasted?

once the treatment changed,

i could have left

& indeed i should have 

but i did not right away, did i?

i chose devotion, effort, & consistency

from my part at least

because that is who i am as a lover & a woman

i chose to believe her words

that she would change

that it was just stress

that it would all be different soon

but when would soon come?

& when would it be enough?

the clock ticked, the hours passed

& the change i did see was her getting worse & more comfortable disrespecting me

i see now with the clearest eyes u were just leading me on

a path of destruction

to my demise

my death

i could not breathe

no light at the end of the tunnel

i stayed so long because i wanted to believe her

i wanted to believe all the doubts i had were fears

in fact they were my intuition

& i ignored her for too long

i knew no peace with this girl

how dare she promise me so much

& deliver so little?

…

if i had stayed, i know i would be such a different person right now

not for better, just for worse

so i celebrate my freedom

rejoice in my peace

i now know better days because i left her behind

…

“you always complicate things, it could all be so simple like that kali uchis song”

but it wasn’t me who complicated things now, was it?

if she truly knew how to love,

she would see i never asked for too much

what i have always wanted was so very simple

she just did not possess the ability to love me in the ways i require & deserve

i leave it behind because it was never personal

i am no longer available for her to project onto