Goddess

moisturized & hydrated

released & let go

actualized

how would u act if the only thing people could see when they looked at u was your soul?

your light, your aura, your heart

beauty does not come from the outer, but from within

a gorgeous truth, it is taking some time to let it sit

i still do not fully believe it myself, if i am being honest

i check my body in the mirror every morning

after every gym session

after ever meal

the truth is, i miss the body i had pre~grief

a year ago, when i wasn’t in school

i hadn’t met that girl

i was stress~free

i looked my absolute best

1 romantic breakup, several friendship breakups,

tears, breakdowns, long therapy sessions later,

my tummy held on to protect me

where i was thin i now look more like a Greek Goddess

i guess that isn’t so bad

growing up, perfection was everything

it instilled in me a fear of failure

& that is what i feel now

difficult to feel grace for myself at a time like this

even though i am a woman & my body operates differently

hormones have such a say

my nervous system took a drastic beating last year

& almost 5 months post~breakup, my body is still learning safety

she is still learning it is safe

my body is waiting for that “let~go” signal

attending the gym, eating “right” as best as i can, taking my supplements,

i am doing all the right things!

body, why aren’t u catching up to my mental healing?

for weeks now, i have felt so much better

i surprised myself

you’re telling me i can go through days & not be weighed down by the disaster that was my relationship?

yet, healing is a funny thing

my mind might be right

but my body has her own schedule

i have learned now that it takes bodies & nervous systems a bit longer to release

the body keeps the score, after all

so, for now, i will enjoy my Greek Goddess body as much as possible

& i will try my best not to feel like i have failed

because, in truth, what did i fail at?

being human? going through heartache? being hurt?

there will come a time things will be in a new normal

& i will look back, & wish i had had more grace on this version of Athena

for she has done no wrong but an amazing job~ at healing, living, doing so many things

starting her music, writing more than ever before, being a present college student,

being a content creator, attending the gym several times a week, having healthy habits

i am proud of her!

i will not look back on this time & all these accomplishments 

& wish my tummy was slimmer…

that will be the last thing on my mind

we as women receive so much pressure from a society hell-bent against our joy & happiness

well, fuck that

i am healthy, so strong, healing, happier than i have been in a while, no longer in toxic connections,

i love my classes, my writing, making music & covers, 

i do my makeup, my skincare, take long epsom~salt baths,

go on walks, make yummy food, drinks coffee & teas,

spray delicious perfume & wear pink 88% of the time,

talk to my sweet nephew & laugh,

write by hand & in this online diary,

wear pretty jewelry, do my hair in the most beautiful ways,

treat myself to a bouquet of flowers every week,

treat myself to a facial & massage every month, 

& a pedicure too, very important

i started getting lash lifts now!

Athena gets lash lifts… yes, she does

i am about to get my brows down next month too, that is new for me as well

& i am about to buy myself the Versace Bright Crystal perfume

because my scentbird subscription made me fall in love with it

& i light candles every single day as if i was dedicating an altar to myself

& i love listening to Kali Uchis, Sade, Luis Miguel, Umi,…

& i love wearing my pink Michael Kors bag to the gym & brining my iPad pro

simply to watch shows & movies

last night at the gym I watched the entire Pitch Perfect movie

& lately i cry when i watch sweet videos online

i love margaritas, chai lattes, & sweet wine

i love to laugh, & there is only 2 people in the whole world i have deep belly laughs with, 3 if i include myself

because, yes, i do make myself laugh

& basically there are far more interesting things about me than what my tummy looks like

…

i am this whole spiritual being having a human experience

& part of that human experience is living in bodies that are ever~changing

depending on the time of the month, 

which, by the way, it is that time for me right now… meaning~

Athena, be kinder to yourself, girl! your body is simply fluctuating like normal

water retention is very normal, maybe i should write that down & hang it up

anyway…

women deserve the world

& leave us alone

i’ll go enjoy my Greek Goddess body now

but more importantly, just live