Goddess

with luck, i shall live again

what i once felt, maybe i shall feel again

or something brand new

i don’t want a single thing that mirrors my past

no, let me never go back to how it once was

i have worked too hard to get away

let me step forward in this threshold

i am in~between worlds

at least i am not where i used to be

i see my life ahead of me

almost with too much clarity

a smile appears on my face

but my brows furl wondering, “when?”

if ever there should come a time

where i have made it

& i am there,

allow me to go back

let me tell her it does come true…

a life full of deceit & bitter endings does not always hope create

she had to build her faith, brick by brick

no one came to save her

she did it all on her own

& she believes the rest of her life will be the story of a girl

who had to figure it out all alone

there is a small feeling inside her

that knows love is coming

but as the days pass

& as nights rise,

the feeling dissolves

& she chalks it up to wishful thinking

she thinks to herself, “i am simply delusional~

​​​​how could it be true that the love i have searched for 

all my life & have desired so deeply would come now?

the love i seek in friendship & romance alike, 

must be too good to be true…

i have tried, i have opened my heart,

kept it open, believed in love after heartbreak,

only for it to fail me & disappoint me all over again…

tell me, is it worth it

to keep my heart open?

shall i truly be so brave?

maybe it allows in love,

but pain comes in just the same,

​​​​​​​& maybe i am tired of being hurt…

be honest with me,

does it get better?

tell me…“

…

with any luck, i shall live again

right now, these may seem mere words & folly to me

but a day will come where i don’t operate from such heartache

where protecting myself isn’t my first instinct 

where i shall breathe with such ease

& be accompanied by the sweetest of souls

where i won’t have to wait until i am alone again to feel safe

aligned & like~minded souls are making their way

a priority i shall be

if i am not yet a priority, i am being protected

& at least i know i am the number one priority to me

maybe i should enjoy this time for what it is

a gift

a time to pause before the alignment occurs

& before life picks up the pace

i wasn’t being rejected

i was being released from situations that cannot fully meet me

what is the saying~ rejection is protection & redirection

& i deserve connections that can meet me exactly where i am

without having to turn away or hide any parts of my truest self

i must believe that everything is happening for my highest good

it is the only way i will survive this

or so i think…

maybe it isn’t belief that keeps me alive

& it is okay to fall apart

because the pieces shall fall into place

& with any real luck, i shall live again