Goddess

the weather is clearing up now

i am hearing birds

it is almost spring

let the transition pass quickly

onwards to summer

that i may feel no pain

& not be consumed by the memories

no, that isn’t right

this i know

…

going on five months

in five days

& i am still grieving

my biggest fear

is being too much

& i was too much for her

this i know

…

now i am trying to heal that wound

that ferocious lie

is still affecting me

how unfair

what did i do to deserve such pain?

i did no such thing

this i know

…

in the last month,

i have been moving my body 

so much more than usual

out of love & celebration

but she has responded by breaking down

the trapped emotions are moving through my body

& i guess my she is feeling safe enough 

to release

to cry

my skincare has been my tears as of late

wondering when i will feel okay

if “okay” is even in my cards

sometimes i still feel broken

she questioned my being

my sensitivity, my healing

“why are you still like this?”

harsh questions for the one you “love”

this i know

…

love is a brave thing

you open yourself up to someone

expecting & hoping to be held

to be safe enough to be vulnerable

but what happens when they end up being your biggest hater?

no love here

i don’t know her

this cannot be love

i may not know everything

but this one thing i do know