Goddess

unfortunately, we never met

not ever, not truly

what you saw, you condemned

you rejected wholeheartedly

with the coldest of hearts

because you reject your own depths

hate your own truest self

…

my very first love

& yet it was not true love

for if it was true, it would have been life-giving

fulfilling, free, & pure

it was nothing of the sort

begone, for you never knew me

…

i was my worst self with you, don’t you see?

no, of course not

blinded by your own ego

you blamed me for your own insecurities

faulted me for all the times it got rough

how painful it is to be looked upon but not really seen

by the one person who should see you the most

& accept everything that is you

i have known this pain all too well

it is the story of my life

…

i gave you the opportunity of a lifetime

i was benevolent

the most patient & the most kind

full of love & magic you had never before seen

your words, not mine

yet you denied yourself a heavenly presence

i am full of depths you could never reach

not in this lifetime nor the next

…

you think it isn’t simple

that i asked for too much

that i am just too much

my dear, you are not enough

& i simply asked the wrong one

& if you had the awareness to understand this

& really take me in

you would see it

…

maybe a part of you did when i walked away

& you proceeded to call an endless amount of times

no response, dead silence

my nervous system shot

the tears tired of streaming down my pretty face

after the 100th call, i decided to listen

& quickly regretted it

for you are no one to miss

no one to desire

nothing of substance

you brought no worth to my life

if anything, you took from me

you stole my time, my innocence

your presence only seemed to dim my light

thank Goddess i am love incarnate & have an endless supply

you may have hurt me but i always come back

a million times stronger & more beautiful

more radiant & more lovely

…

i can easily say you are the worst thing that ever happened to me

but i turn ashes into glory

everything i touch turns to gold

i alchemize pain like no other

someone like you would never understand

how could you?

& how could i even expect you to?

of course you were intrigued by me

of course you were in love with me

& of course you wanted to keep me

it is me, after all

but you will never meet another me

because truthfully you never deserved a chance with me to begin with

now you have to live with that reality for the rest of your life

& pay the price to the fullest extent

…

you were my final lesson before the miracle

a rite of passage i suppose

but my suffering is over

the storm has cleared

my love is here

how does it feel that i am the one that got away?