Goddess

i am meant for complete & utter solitude

i see it now, & i’ll stop fighting it

any friends that come along the way

never know how to love me properly

even after sharing my thoughts & needs

patience ~ i give them

grace & kindness ~ i shower them with

twiddling my thumbs, i await

for them to see me ~

yet i don’t feel seen

for them to love me ~

but i don’t feel loved

i don’t possess any friendships

that has been one of the most heartbreaking truths

i’ve acquired in my adulthood…

is there anyone who will bring me hot soup

should i fall sick?

is there a soul who will sit with me

when my heart’s pain is so unbearable?

is there someone who will accompany me to the hospital

so i don’t have to go alone?

is there a friend who will share life’s highest joys

& deepest sorrows with me?

without stipulations, without conditions…?

a resounding “no” echoes in my mind

& i accept it

what i desire is deeper than what they have to offer

can i not simply yearn for the same love i give?

my heart’s loyalty cannot be replicated, it seems

i’ve travelled through this life

in search of a soul such as mine

& i end up empty~handed every single time…

a true friend is a villager

& no one wants to be a villager & to be inconvenienced 

any friends that come along the way

are for casual conversation & simply meandering

nothing deep, nothing serious

nothing real, & they are forever oblivious

the same goes for relationships nowadays

it is sad, but i’ll remain myself

in a world full of fakes, distrust, & ugly behavior

i see it now, & i’ll stop fighting it

i am meant for complete & utter solitude